Joe Gaster, Doze Master

Back in the saddle, day 31

2005-12-08T01:31:00.000-08:00

Thankfully, I have enough marbles bumbling about my noggin to start this p... p... what was it? oh yeah, polyphasic sleep thing up again. Either those are marbles, or they are tiny balls of madness.

As my heading trumpets, I am addicted to sleep.

Big time.

Yes, three weeks ago saw the arrival of my baby, my self-proclaimed eighth and ninth wonders of the world. No, I didn't have twins. I just think that he deserves two slots in the list of wonderment instead of the paltry one that seems to be the standard.

I digress. So, I had a baby, and that alone has kicked me into a deep, dark hall of polyphasia. Except it's the really bad kind of polyphasia. It's the kind that says, "You will sleep all day, but sliced up into two hour chunks. In doing so, you will end up sleeping 10 to 12 hours a day instead of the cool 2 hour a day polyphasic sleep that you crave."

Now that my wife and I are better (but, by no mean pros) at the baby thing, it became time for me to hop back into my polyphasic Pampers. It became time last week. Seven days ago. Each of those seven days I've attempted it. Each of those seven days I failed miserably.

Every night I'd put in my earphones, flick on my specially made timer-song, then I'd coast into a reasonable slumber. Only to wake two hours later to the baby alarm (the one that signifies that it's time to feed the baby) with my headphones and my MP3 player somehow neatly placed on my nightstand.

Now, at this point in the night, I could sit there and realize, hey, yes, I did just crash for two hours when I was only supposed to sleep twenty minutes. Let's cut our losses and get up, big boy. But no, my addiction to sleep overcame all and I would give up. Every single night.

And every single morning I would get more and more furious with myself, wondering why in the world could I not do this? I'm relatively "with it", so why couldn't I master something this simple?

I still don't know the answer to that. But, miracle of all miracles, it's almost 4am right now, and I'm up. So, technically this could be called Day 1, but in reality I started an entire month ago. Therefore, this is Day 31.

So lame. Body, don't let me down.

Something worth pausing the experiment for

2005-11-20T17:59:00.000-08:00

My wife and I had a baby last week! I will resume shortly, and it will be interesting to see how it improves (or worsens) the whole having-a-baby-makes-you-get-no-sleep routine.

I'm shaking like a crack addict

2005-11-15T13:36:00.000-08:00

I think I didn't read the fine print when I signed up for this polyphasic sleep thing. It read something like this:

For those of you who crave sleep like oxygen, and who realize you don't really ever crave oxygen unless you're trapped in a car that's plunged into your local river, and who have sleeping apparatuses that are so splendidly cushy and heavenesque, and who have high thread-count sheets, and who have contemplating punching kittens at the sound of a blaring radio alarm, and who write secret love notes to the intangible concept of "sleep", please do not try Polyphasic Sleeping^TM. You will likely attempt it, and ultimately fail, so many times it will begin to hurt your body. You will notice bumps on your back. Your lymph nodes under your jaw will swell. Cold sores will appear uncharacteristically often. Your vision will blur. You will be popular. You will barely realize that last sentence was false. If you do not meet all of the above criteria, continue on, you sleep freak. Sleep never liked you anyway.

So, Mr. I-Will-Not-Fail has failed again. Multiple times. I've crashed, oh, two or three times since my last post. But, I won't say that I enjoyed the smack out of it. Seriously. I have a love affair with my partner-in-the-night, my midnight co-denizen, Mrs. Lady Americana. King sized glory. Pillow cushions on both sides. You can drop a sleeping baby from 150 feet onto it, and the baby will miraculously continue its care-free slumber.

All that being said, I'm continuing on in this exercise of self-torture. It's been seven days since I officially began, so I'm not sure if I will keep on counting from the initial day. Although, it might be interesting for fellow siesta suitors to see how long it takes for this old dog to learn a new trick. So, this stream of consciousness concludes: I will continue numbering from the initial start date.

Onward!

Sliding timer

2005-11-13T15:17:00.000-08:00

So I haven't made it over the hump yet, cut me some slack, yo.

Even though I'm not a pro at this, I would like to let you in on a little helpful hint.

A lot of people use timers. Kitchen timers. Stopwatches.

I already mentioned this in a previous post, but I use my MP3 player. When I hit the sack for a 20 minute nap, I hit play on a specially made MP3. The track has 30 minutes (10 minutes of buffer, 20 minutes of nap) of silence before it breaks into a rousing, intrusive, annoying rock song.

Nothing too cool about that, eh?

That's not the cool part, yo.

I'm not 100% strict about setting a timer and forcing myself to wake up in X minutes, period, even if I haven't even gone to sleep. I want to make plenty sure that I get my 20 minute nap. If I miss sleep, I'm doomed for failure (oversleep) on the next cycle.

This MP3 timer method lets me adjust as needed. For instance, if I'm lying in bed, and my mind is racing thinking about the day's events for 20 minutes, then there's no way I'm just about to doze off. I'm able to consciously recognize this, and I simply hit the "<<" button on my MP3 player to give me a fresh set of 30 minutes to work with. It's not too complicated to where I have to think about it too hard, so it doesn't interrupt the dozing process.

The cocky Doze Master has crashed

2005-11-13T01:01:00.000-08:00

Blech. I would write out a better Day 3 summary, but the ending stunk.

Basically, day 3 went like this: I was tired. Reeeeal(ly) tired. I awoke at 5:30am and only lasted an hour. I couldn't concentrate on anything. I was so tired. I don't think I could have colored in a coloring book and stayed in the lines. I don't think I could have figured out the ingredients to a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

I went back to sleep at 6:30am after having an epic battle within. I tried setting my 30 minute timer, but there was no chance of me really hearing it. I woke up approximately three and a half hours later.

Then, fast forward to 1am the next night. Set my alarm again, but did I hear it? No. I slept for eight hours.

I won't lie, though. I am addicted to sleep, and it was one of the best bed symphonies I've ever conducted.

Then I had guests this weekend, so I resorted to monophasic mode for the Friday-into-Saturday rollover. It, too, felt absolutely splendid, ol' chap.

Oh, the irony. Me, the cocky Doze Master, who boldly proclaimed why people fail at polyphasic sleeping even before I had really begun, has already appeared to have bitten the bullet.

But, I won't fail.

Saturday has found me back in the saddle for a new stab. A stab so brilliantly precise, so resoundingly deadly, so fantastically maroon-spraying, that I'm here to say that this time, I will not fail.

Poly wants a sleepcracker, day 2

2005-11-10T11:28:00.000-08:00

This update is a little late, but I wanted to make sure I covered day 2. Although, this will be a McDonald's hamburger version of a sleep log instead of the normal foie gras I would like to maintain. Mucho apologies. Daddy won't disappoint later, I assure you.

Overall, things went well. I was noticeably more tired than normal, but it didn't have as much of a negative impact on my daily routine as I thought. I was able to concentrate sufficiently at work.

I've always noticed that I'm better able to socially interact with people if I'm a little bit tired, and day 2 was no different.

Like I said in a previous post, I'm big into weightlifting. When I worked out on day 2, I did feel a teensy bit "out of body" during some of my heavy lifts, which was a little distracting and disconcerting at the same time. There's nothing like trusting your out of body self to not drop weights on your head. I'm still alive, and that's a good thing. When I get over the hump with this polyphasic sleeping routine, I expect for the out of body feeling to disappear. In fact, most people say they feel more alert while sleeping polyphasically. There was a great quote in Napoleon Dynamite that captures my desire to feel more alert: "I want that."

I always finish my workouts with cardio, and this was no different. I hopped on the elliptical trainer, punched in 20 minutes and went to town like normal. I felt a slight chest pain during the first half, and overall it seemed a little more taxing than normal. I'm very keen, however, into how powerful the mind is, and I could have very well noticed these "problems" because of my hyper-awareness to observe the effects of the experiment. On a typical day, it's probable that I experience those symptoms but don't notice them because I'm not looking for them.

Be privy to the unique underpinnings of this experiment

2005-11-09T08:49:00.000-08:00

What makes my polyphasic sleeping experiment unique? A lot of things. And one thing in particular that I couldn't find anybody else dealing with. What are they?

I like to climb trees. Tall ones. Burr oaks. Loblolly pines. Bradford pears. Red maples. You name it, I love to scale them. And fast.
I own my own businesses. By the way, I was kidding on that first point. As much as I like to look at trees, I don't climb them. Onward... Like I mentioned in my last post, a lot of people fail with this type of sleep routine because their schedule isn't flexible enough. A normal 8 to 5 job doesn't offer much flexibility. I've been blessed enough to make my living by running a couple different software companies. I can close my office door and catch some shuteye if I need it, which signals to my employees that I shouldn't be bothered.
I strength train. This is the one point for which I couldn't find any established precedent. I work out close to two hours a day every weekday. I do a mix of 80% heavy weightlifting and 20% cardio. Before I switched to sleeping multiple times per day, I would leave the gym feeling completely exhausted, and I would continue to feel that exhaustion and soreness until I hit the sack.

While I'm no "body builder" per se, it's known that body builders cherish sleep, and usually aim for around 12 hours of sleep a day. What concerns me is that I'm heading the complete opposite direction. Instead of 12, I'm getting 2, and I have no idea what the ramifications will be.
I love food. I eat a lot, mostly to support my strength training. I guzzle protein shakes. I eat meat, and lots of it. My wife is a great cook, and I catch and down everything she throws at me. I try to eat every two or three hours, eschewing the normal breakfast/lunch/dinner regimen. I still eat during those normal times, although it's less than normal, considering I'm constantly eating throughout the day.

Here's an interesting aside. All the research I read points to polyphasic sleep as being the original way humans used to sleep. Not to mention that the majority of the animal kingdom sleeps polyphasically. It seems to run logically parallel that humans and animals should also eat more than three times a day. A sort of polyphasic eating pattern.

Why do so many people fail at polyphasic sleeping?

2005-11-08T10:02:00.000-08:00

In the past several weeks, I've read countless blogs by people who are logging their polyphasic sleep experiences. It seems like for every one that succeeds, there are nine that fail.

To be certain, adapting to a new sleep schedule like this is difficult. But what, in my opinion, have the harbingers of doom been for these people?

Not enough to do. I started this polyphasic experiment because I have an avalanche of to-do's piling up on top of my body. I feel my bones popping and my veins sprouting geysers from the sheer weight of it all. I am entrepreneur at heart, and as such, my brain is always thinking and creating more work for myself. The ones that fail at it almost invariably don't have enough things on their plate to keep them occupied. "Boy, it'd be great to play World of Warcraft an extra six hours a night!" Or, "Think of how many self-help books I could read during the night!" Or, "I could hang out with friends in the day and study at night!" All of these kinds of people will likely fail.

Unless you have a truly full plate and a real hankering for productivity, it's unlikely you'll succeed with a polyphasic sleep routine.
Not a flexible enough schedule. Most of the blogs I've read have been written by high school or college students. While it's feasible to think that you could squeeze in naps during breaks in your school day, it's unlikely you'll be able to maintain it for the long haul. College is one of the craziest, most unpredictable times of your life, and it's not a fertile soil to plant this kind of experiment in. (Usually.)

It also goes without saying that it is difficult to wedge a polyphasic lifestyle into a normal 8 to 5 job. In order for it to work in this scenario, you'd likely need to take a nap right before work, during lunch, and right after work. It is possible, but with this level of rigidity it will be difficult to maintain.
Too much analysis. Some people go overboard with this polyphasic thing to where it becomes the focus instead of the focus being on the benefit. While it's interesting to see ratings like, "Ability to balance fork on my nose: 8", it seems to me that this hyper-analysis is inextricably linked to point 1 above, "Not enough to do."
Lack of support/accountability. I'm slipping this one in, although it doesn't necessarily pertain to the bloggers I've read. It certainly helps to have a support system (wife, friends, etc.) and an accountability system to keep you moving forward with the switch to polyphasic sleep. For instance, I have a wonderful wife who supports me in this, and this blog keeps me accountable to everybody that reads it. I wouldn't want to fail in front of all of you, so I'm not going to. Plain and simple.

Polyphasic sleepazoid, day 1

2005-11-08T09:08:00.000-08:00

Day 1 came and went, and I'm still alive. Overall, I didn't experience very much tiredness and felt pretty energized throughout the day.

Realistically, that energy level was probably a combination of two things. One, I'm excited to be trying out polyphasic sleep, so I'm naturally going to be energized from the sheer thrill of magically creating six extra hours of sleep. And two, it was only the first day.

I didn't notice any lack of concentration, although for reasons unknown I gravitated toward filling my newborn time with thoughtless activity. I cleaned my office, processed my inbox (I'm a GTD nut), and answered some various business emails. Looking back, I probably should have saved that brainless bit of churn for days 2 or 3, as I know zombie-dom will soon set in.

In a true bit of misfortune, I ended up skipping two naps in a row yesterday. I ended up staying late at work, ran home, grabbed a bite to eat, then headed out to another meeting until 9pm. Then I stayed up talking with my wife until 1am before making it to the next nap. I have yet to feel the consequences of this misstep, although I feel like I will soon.

I will be adding a post here shortly about what makes my polyphasic experience unique. Who I am, what my daily activities are, why I'm able to do polyphasic sleep, what my nutrition is like, and what kind of exercise I do. Before I started polydozing I couldn't find anybody with my same lifestyle, so I was a little concerned about how my body would handle the new routine.

Of course, I'm still concerned. But, I am as committed as a "commit" statement on a database, so we'll see how this pans out.

And we're off!

2005-11-07T01:15:00.000-08:00

Tonight, I waved my handkerchief out the train window to bid adieu to my pre-poly way of life. One small step for Joe, and one giant step for... Joe.

It wasn't too hard tonight, really. Although, I do think I hear a mob of people in the background chanting, "You ain't seen nothin' yet, circus boy."

I didn't want to wake my wife with an alarm, so I decided to try something that only I could hear. I took an existing MP3 in my library, padded it with 30 minutes of silence at the beginning, then put it on my little music player. So, when I'm just about to embark on my 20 minute slice of heaven, I hit play, and the track graciously gives me a 10 minute buffer in which to fall into the land of log sawing. And, I get to wake up to good music instead of an annoying buzzer. It worked like a charm.

So, what's my sleep schedule going to look like? I'm aiming for a 12AM, 4AM, 8AM, 12PM, 4PM, 8PM lineup, although my ultimate goal is to not make it as rigid as what is generally prescribed in the Uberman method. I expect to slide some of those times around an hour either way as needed. I will pour my sleep snippets into whatever shape the day becomes.

To be perfectly honest, I'm not looking forward to the rest of this week. Supposedly, you will learn to adapt to the new schedule after about a week of pounding your body against the rocks. I've heard it called a number of things... Hell Week, The Week That Never Ends, and my personal favorite, Why Won't You Let Me See My Baby?! Week.

What is polyphasic sleep?

2005-11-05T19:55:00.000-08:00

Polyphasic sleep means "sleeping more than once a day". People typically sleep monophasically, meaning they kiss the white fluff bag only once a day. I currently sleep monophasically (except for the occasional Sunday afternoon nap), and my switch to polydom is the subject of this entire blog.

There are many types of polyphasic sleep available at the Sleep Buffet. The most popular is the Uberman Sleep Schedule, whereby a schmuck sleeps 20 minutes every four hours. To save you from pulling up Calc, that's an incredibly low two hours a day.

I am a newly inducted schmuck who will attempt the Uberman Sleep Schedule, although I fully intend on mutating it to fit my purposes.

"Polyphasic sleep" and "The Uberman Sleep Schedule" are not interchangeable, although the Uberman method has been popularized enough to be inferred when speaking of polyphasic sleep. Polyphasic sleep only means sleeping more than once a day. The Uberman method is a specific implementation of sleeping more than once a day.

I'm Joe Gaster, Doze Master

2005-11-05T11:01:00.000-08:00

bzzzzz... bzzzzz...

huh? wha? just a few more minutes... where's the snooze button... oh, I'm on?

Hi, I'm Joe Gaster, and I am a Doze Master. Or, rather, you might say that I will soon be a Doze Master.

I am an odd blend of a person with extreme ambition and a person who loves sleep more than life.

Though, as I re-read that last sentence, I realized that you may think that I'm an ambitious, depressed person. No, that's not what I was intending. I'm not depressed -- quite the contrary. Life couldn't be better. Rather, I was exagerrating my profound love for my soft, flocculent bed and the sleep that I perform while lying on it.

So, these two qualities -- ambition and joysleep -- are naturally in conflict with one another. Ultimately, I value ambition and productivity over sleep, so this blog is a textual documentary of my quest to slay the sleep dragon. I shall kill the dragon dead (thanks, Raid, for that wonderful redundancy) through the use of various polyphasic sleep mechanisms. Through polyphasic sleep, I will cut my sleeping time to two hours a day, down from my normal eight hour a day regimen.

In addition to logging my poly-experiences, I will publish articles and other random tidbits about polyphasic sleepdom here as well -- what it is, the various methods, and its history.

Stick around, I guarantee this will be a fun read.